Advice, Travel

Diary of a wimpy young adult

(Mood soundtrack Aaliyah)

I am officially 26 in t-minus 2 hours. Let’s get confessional.

I am often afraid. I’m afraid of falling and failing. I am afraid of losing more people I love. I am afraid I have no idea what I’m doing with my career.

My fears manifest most powerfully in my dreams;  just the other night I had to stab a hungry zombie to prevent it from eating my grandma. Nothing like a good night’s sleep.

The worst, though, is when fear manifests itself, slowly but surely, in your waking life decisions. Let’s take the example of skiing: an activity that makes me perspire like I’m about to nose dive off the empire state. I’m convinced that I’ll end up another statistic of some freak accident;  I even bought SMART accident insurance. The daunting steepness, the slippery ice, the screaming wind; I feel like Alice plummeting down the rabbit hole, except there is no wonderland.  So, logically, whenever there is a group ski trip planned: I go.

Am I insane? Probably. The thing is, for me, skiing has become a stubborn endeavor to conquer my fears. Because when I am stuck at the top of that frigid mountain, I realize, that in a worst case scenario, no one can save me but myself. So I get up, fall on my butt, get up, pop out of my skis, get up, cry, scream, and repeat the falling thrice more. I continue this exercise until I get to the bottom of the mountain.

Occasionally, every year,  there is a single moment when I feel like I’ve got it; that I’m flying over powdered purity; and I finally understand why New Englander’s dedicate their entire weekends to this premeditated type of torture.

And that’s pretty effing great. 



4 thoughts on “Diary of a wimpy young adult

  1. fmalangone says:

    I love this post. It’s healthy to be afraid but the feeling is that of being powerless and that isn’t a fun feeling. I think that you are one of the most real people that I know. Conquering your fears provides you with a freedom of sorts and I’m glad that you get that rush when you accomplish something like skiing down a mountain. You did really well!

  2. fmalangone says:

    I love this blog mainly because you always tell it straight, but I love this post because of the truth and reality of what you are writing about. It is perfectly healthy to be afraid… Some fears will manifest themselves and are inevitable; they will need to be taken in stride. The challenge and the reward comes when you conquer those fears, and you do that time after time. You are truly a role model in facing your fears and giving your fears proverbial face a punch in the nose. You did great at skiing and I enjoy seeing your face light up when you finish a run. That IS “Effing great”. Keep on keeping on you are doing superbly.

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