Books, Writing

Tolstoy Knew Best

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At 5:50 pm on September 23, I was strolling along the empty, post-apocalypse Pittsfield, MA, thinking “Wow these drivers are so nice to pedestrians,” when a mini van nearly sliced my legs in half at a STOP SIGN.

I was already in the road, directly in front of the car, and had to RUN so I could, well deeply put, not die.

The blue-eyed, mousy-brown coiffed lady squeaked “Sorry,” like she was apologizing to her kids for being late to soccer practice.

Me: “Are you kidding me? You were *this close* (hand gesturing) to hitting me!”

Idiot driver: “Sorry!”

Me: “Don’t drive if you’re not paying attention!” (rage with wisdom)

I diverted my angry eyes in the homeward direction not because I was causing a scene, but rather, I was inhabiting the road where other cars were trying to turn. Again, we New Yorker Mass Hole hybrids are exemplary examples for the swift footed.

Concluding thoughts?

1. Some dumba&& b**#@ almost killed me.

2. Damn health insurance. It’s never there when you need it.

3. Live writing. Die writing.

At my it-almost-happened wake, strangers would sigh over my sexy as hell embalmed body: “*Sniffle* So young. So talented. So smart. To think she just started doing something she loved.”

I can think of far worse eulogies.

-writinginsoysauce

 

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Advice, Love

A Blood Red Sun at Diner En Blanc

If you dream of Great Gatsby, or want to live like Gossip Girl for a night, then you’ll want to read about Diner En Blanc.

What is Diner En Blanc?
~~~~~~~~~~~
Pick out your finest white attire. Get your flapper on.
Bring your nicest most portable eats, tables and chairs
Meet your 4,000+ friends, also wearing all white, in Manhattan.
Wait until you receive the SECRET location. Shhh.

Start
~~~~~~~~~~~
Wear deodorant. Lots. Only Beyonce can pull off sweaty-face.
Find group leader Vanessa in FiDi.
Do not get 50 shades of hangry.
Wipe sweat away with toilet paper(white).
Secret location is battery park. A miracle since you live on wall st.
Set up your dinner table in the grass.
Admire the guy making his own sangria.
Envy the lady who brought homemade cucumber VODKA.
Wait for the signal: napkin twirling.
Three words: Drunken.Goat.Cheese.

Middle
~~~~~~~~~~~
Cheer for the violinist in a crop top with neon green highlights. Bet her tiger parents did not see that coming.
Wave to the helicopter insect in the sky. (It’s a camera)
Bring last bottle of rosé to the dance floor(lawn). Share.
Swing. You’re not a day older than 5.
Introduce self to adorable high schoolers on a first date.
Proclaim the importance of love to them.
Watch them leave.

End
~~~~~~~~~~~
Play hopscotch with a shy little boy. Make him smile.
Shoot 3 pointer in a skirt. (Watch your roommate do it. You are too drunk)
Walk home without shoes.
Pinch your cheeks cuz you can’t stop smiling.

We are a city of blood red suns. We don’t know any different. We never will.

-writinginsoysauce

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